Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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