New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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