It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
