we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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