do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
