You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
