I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
