I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
