omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
