Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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