did you get engaged???
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
