I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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