I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
