Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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