i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
