Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
