apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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