at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
