you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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