No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
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