talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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