Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
