You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You need Xanax blowdarts
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
