youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
