Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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