stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
