I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
