I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
