I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
