You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
