He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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