we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
