Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
