i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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