her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
