I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We are all done wearing pants today
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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