Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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