I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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