I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
