At least make sure they are 18
Why
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
