i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
