in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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