STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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