i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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