just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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