my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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