ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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