K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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