he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
