they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
