what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Hippo gnu deer
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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