new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Two words: blizzard sex
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
