The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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