4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
