I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
