Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
