it wasn't lemon gatorade
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
