so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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