Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
