You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
