I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
