its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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