and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
